Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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