ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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