do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
