Welp...herpes.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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