Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
