this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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