I'm pants shitting drunk right now
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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