Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
