you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
