your thong is hanging out like whoa
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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