the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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