Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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