Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
