my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
