It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
