THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
