There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
