she sounds like chewbacca in bed
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
