im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
