Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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