Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
