I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I didn't notice because vodka
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
