I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
