I've blown a few things in my day
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
