Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
