I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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