Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
