I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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