guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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