can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
