so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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