i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
