i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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