Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
