It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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