Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
