would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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