she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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