based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
