3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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