i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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