I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
