I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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