I wish I only lived at night.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
