I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
