Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
