I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
His hands were made for my vagina.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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