absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
