he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
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