And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
